When You are Old

by W. B. Yeats

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

This poem made me cry today, which, according to my poetry teacher, is exactly what it is supposed to do. Reading poetry is supposed to be emotional, you are supposed to love it, to be passionate about it. I don't know about all of that, but I have developed a strange affection for poetry as of late. I must be getting soft in my old age. Getting old is strange. I wonder what I will miss most. I wonder which memories will be my fondest. I wonder who I will miss the most, and which places will stand out most in my mind.

What do you say when someone tells you they want to be a messiah?

I'm sick of delusions of grandeur and an egocentric view of the universe. I'm sick of self-important musings. I'm sick of your affectations.

I want to lay in the grass and feel the warmth of the sun on my face. I want to think about how amazing everything is, I want to consider the miracle of a blade of grass. I want to take deep breaths and experience every smell, every taste, every sight, every second. I never want to stop learning.

I never want to be as conceited as you are.

I have post-book depression.

When I read a really good book, I find myself dreading the end. Everytime I turn the page, my stomach sinks. I relish every detail, forcing myself to slow down. I want to make it last even more than I want to know what happens. I never want to leave that little universe. I guess what I'm saying is, it's about the journey. Not the destination.

Things that are contributing to my ridiculously good mood:

1) the weather and the hour i just spent reading outside on the beautiful quad.
2) the feeling that tonight is going to be so fun!
3) daniel abdalla
4) ra friends!
5) my room, which is clean and comfortable and MINE
6) rocking out in above-mentioned room
7) the fact that i get to go home and see my family in two weeks :)
8) post-workout energy burst
9) school, especially the poetry of e.e. cummings, the spanish language and my history of latin america class

Visiting u of i was like being on vacation. Now I'm home and doing everything I can to avoid my homework, which is all for Poetry, which I currently have no thoughts about. Actually, I have one thought about poetry, and that is that though I like a poet here and there, most poetry is frilly and unnecessary and boring. Also, the fact that I have to read Early Modern English poetry is ridiculous because its only redeemable quality is that it is old. Surviving the ages through a series of freak accidents does not justify torturing English majors with a neverending chain of eerily similar poems about jesus. Seriously people, get a standardized system of spelling.

Anyway. It was really great to see Kristin. Sometimes I think our friendship is improbable, because, on the outside, we don't have much in common. It works though. We have completely different taste in most things, so we never fight over boys, we force each other to experience new things, and we always have new stuff to tell each other. The things we do have in common are the important ones anyway. Plus, we've been friends for so long we just understand each other. It's nice to just be a girl and hang out with girls.

As lame as it is, I liked writing 25 things about me for facebook. It forced me to not only think about myself, but about the image I present to people. More specifically, I got thinking about the things I choose to talk about with people. In conclusion, I talk about everyone else too much. I need a cool hobby.

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

My life is going to be crazy next semester, but I am looking forward to so many things.

I have a normal class load, and I will be working a few hours at the Watterson front desk (come visit!). I am still doing the RA thing, and I am a lot more comfortable with it now, so I want to do a better job. I like my floor, and I really want to get to know them better. Also, I have some cool programs in mind, so hopefully they happen. PLUS, I am going to be a TA for the History department. I don't know what class or professor I am working with yet, but it should be a really great experience, especially because I want to be a professor. I am so nervous about this because it is new, and I am awkward. I get serious anxiety when I have to speak in front of groups . . . I'm sure it will be fine though. PLUS, I am doing a service project working with the senior citizen program at the Normal Public Library. It is 130 hours of community service, and it is required for my scholarship, but this may be what I am most excited about. I love old people, and I love books!

As far as summer goes, I have some big plans. I want to be an au pair (a live-in nanny) somewhere in Europe. I am leaning toward Ireland, Scotland, or Switzerland. It would be a paid position with room and board included and a couple of free days a week. I really hope it works out, it would be an affordable way to travel, and I would be completely immersed in the culture.

I usually hate titles, because I think they are limiting, but I thought this one was fitting. :)

Quote from Seventeen Magazine, "When you're having a one-on-one conversation, talking into his right ear will help you connect with the side of his brain that controls happiness." This little gem came from an article titled "How to Make Every Guy Want You Bad," which also included tips like showing a little bit of leg and smelling like vanilla or lavender. I'm not sure why finding a boyfriend is the number one goal of most 13-17 year olds, but that is a larger topic for another time. For right now, I'm not convinced that these tips are the way to do it. Encouraging young girls to devote as much time to reading a book or watching the news (or finding a hobby) would help much more in the long run, not just in the big picture but also with finding a guy. Having something interesting to talk about will probably be a lot more effective than making an idiot out of yourself with your attempts to get into position and talk exclusively into his right ear. Also, he probably doesn't care what you smell like as long as you don't smell bad, and if showing a little bit of leg is the only way to get his attention he probably won't make much of a boyfriend.

The right person is going to like you, even if you're still in your fat awkward stage. Even if you are the biggest nerd in the world. Even if you have acne, or couldn't find flattering clothes to save your life. That's what magazines should be telling girls, and boys too. Even more importantly, having a boyfriend or girlfriend isn't really all that important. Find something you are passionate about, find things that make you happy. Learn something new. Do whatever feels right and love yourself. I don't know. Maybe I'm just reading the wrong magazines.