I write and delete more posts on here than I actually publish. Sometimes it's just a nice way to organize my thoughts, and I delete the post because it's boring and meaningless. Sometimes I delete it because I'm too embarassed. Sometimes they just don't make sense, not even to me.

Daisy in the Curious Case of Benjamin Button says something like "I'm so glad we didn't start this when I was 26. I was so young, and you were so old." At first I thought this was strange, for her to not wish for more time with the man that she loved, but since I've been dwelling on it all day, I kind of like it. They were right for each other, they had something, chemistry or whatever you want to call it, the timing was just wrong. They had different places to go, different things to learn, separate ways to grow. They weren't ready for each other yet. I really liked the movie.

I love Christmas, and I am a sucker for tradition. I can't sleep on Christmas Eve. I still put cookies and milk out for santa. I make Nick get up early to open presents. When I have my own little family, I plan to continue these traditions and add new ones, just because I can and because they are so fun. Little traditions really create the fabled "Christmas spirit," for me at least. Today my dad asked me to put some gifts under the tree, including ones labeled "from Santa." I refused to bring the Santa ones down before midnight tonight. It's just not right. It ruins the magic.

"The Magic," is a term I apply to a lot of things, it is not holiday exclusive. There are many actions that can ruin the magic, and you have to always be on the lookout. Downloading movies instead of going to the theater is one of those things. Not making a wish and throwing a penny into the fountain at six flags is another. Those are the only examples I can think of right now, but I'm sure there are lots more.

In other news, tomorrow is my one week anniversary with jake. I know its ridiculous, but it just gets me thinking. It's strange to be starting all over with someone new, but it's fun and exciting too. The whole thing kind of snuck up on me, and I am interested to see how things will play out. The past month makes me feel like Scarlet O'Hara. It's all so Gone with the Wind.

I wonder how much setting lends to meaning, to what extent places can define a person. When I start to get close to new people at school I always want to bring them home and show them my past. I want to show them galloway and the creamery, mckinley woods and the monday/wednesday/friday park, the backroads and the towpath. I want to teach them firsthand the traditions of the iowa car trip and slide down the waterfall at matthiessen holding their hand. I want to take them to my old house and show them where I got my scars. For some reason I believe this will help them understand me, will tell them who I am better than words ever could.

I really believe that if you set out to be happy, it's not too hard. Today, I was stressing over a job interview and a presentation. Someone who means a lot to me did something just to hurt me. I was running on very little sleep.

But today was also beautiful. I was able to steal a few minutes with my supremely busy other half. The sun was shining. My floor program last night was a huge success. In class, essays were passed back, and my professor left me a comment that really made me feel talented. Like maybe I don't do well in school merely because I work hard but because I have an aptitude for it. It was just nice.

Even the interview and presentation went well. I can't help it if I'm lucky.

Blogging is stressful. I want to come off as smart and interesting but don't we all? This is a real problem because not everyone can be interesting. Otherwise there would be no such thing as interesting.

Yesterday was terrible. The bus system was a hassle. I wiped out on the ice in front of everyone. Taylor Swift broke my ipod. Today was better.

This is who I am. I like owls, zumba, bob dylan, cuba, the taste of pineapple and the prose of Faulkner. One of my favorite feelings is waking up in the morning and knowing you don't have to get up. Rolling over and going back to sleep even though you're not tired anymore. My other favorite feeling is lounging on a raft in the pool, on a hot sunny day, listening to the cubs on the radio. I thought I would love living in a single room, but I miss having a roommate. I hate coming home to an empty room. I tend to dwell on social encounters. I want to travel everywhere and I have the biggest dreams, and I am sure I will achieve every one. In this realm, I do not lack confidence.